Psychology of attachment: Why do we lose interest over time?

KATHMANDU: Attachment is a fundamental aspect of human relationships, shaping how we connect with people, places, and even passions.

From romantic relationships to friendships, hobbies, and careers, initial enthusiasm often fades over time.

The question arises: why do human beings form strong attachments initially and then gradually lose interest?

The Science Behind Initial Attachment

Psychologists argue that attachment is driven by both biological and psychological factors. When we encounter something new that excites us—be it a person, a career opportunity, or a hobby—our brain releases dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward.

This surge creates a sense of excitement, making us feel euphoric and deeply connected.

A biological anthropologist, explains that the early stages of romantic attraction, for instance, are powered by increased dopamine and norepinephrine levels.

These chemicals fuel passion, excitement, and a heightened focus on the object of our attachment. In other areas of life, novelty plays a crucial role—whether it’s the thrill of starting a new job, the joy of learning a new skill, or the excitement of a fresh friendship.

The Gradual Decline: Why Interest Fades

Despite strong initial enthusiasm, human beings often experience a gradual decline in interest. Several factors contribute to this phenomenon:

1. Hedonic Adaptation: The human brain is wired to adapt to pleasure. What once felt exhilarating eventually becomes routine. This psychological tendency explains why people who initially love their new jobs, relationships, or hobbies may feel less enthusiastic over time.
2. The Law of Diminishing Returns: With repeated exposure, the intensity of pleasure weakens. For example, the first time you visit a beautiful destination, it feels magical. However, if you visit the same place repeatedly, the excitement wears off.
3. Unmet Expectations: When reality does not align with expectations, disappointment sets in. This is especially common in relationships and careers where initial excitement is fueled by idealized perceptions that fade when challenges arise.
4. Emotional and Cognitive Shifts: Over time, people change—emotionally, mentally, and physically. A person who once loved a particular hobby may develop new interests or priorities, leading to a natural drift away from past attachments.
5. External Distractions: In the modern digital era, constant stimulation from social media, entertainment, and information overload makes it easier to seek new sources of excitement, further reducing interest in what once seemed important.

Can We Sustain Long-Term Interest?

While it is natural for attachment to wane, maintaining long-term enthusiasm is possible. Experts suggest the following strategies:

• Reignite Novelty: Trying new experiences within the same domain—such as learning new skills in a job or introducing spontaneity in a relationship—can restore excitement.
• Adjust Expectations: Understanding that initial euphoria is temporary can help people appreciate deeper, long-term satisfaction.
• Practice Mindfulness: Focusing on the present moment can enhance appreciation and prevent dissatisfaction from creeping in.
• Commitment and Effort: Whether in relationships or careers, sustained effort and conscious investment can help keep passion alive.

Final Thoughts

Human beings are wired to seek novelty, yet they also crave stability. The cycle of attachment and waning interest is a natural part of life, but understanding this pattern can help us make better choices—whether in love, career, or personal growth.

By acknowledging the transient nature of initial excitement and actively working to sustain our commitments, we can build deeper and more meaningful connections in all aspects of life.